my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
