And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
