He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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