Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize