I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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