just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
