Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do herpes really smell.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
