I faked an abortion last night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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