I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
