He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
