she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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