Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
