Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
