Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
