i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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