Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize