Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
