i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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