maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
