I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He felt like a one man threesome
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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