I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
