talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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