Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Houston, we have a blender
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
