Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
