I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
