I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
