I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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