He had one of those small greek statue penises
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
