So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
