So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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