The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Alive.
So much puke
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
