Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
