We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
