Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
worst night to have a conscience
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
