when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
