i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
