Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
