Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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