ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
