In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
