areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
