what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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