i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
