so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently you make a good broom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
