:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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