And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Bang-toberfest begins!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
