She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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