my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize