There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
