I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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