I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
