Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so let's talk penis.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
