Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
