I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
