Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
