SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
