Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
