a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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