I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
