No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Where did you get a picture of my penis
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
