Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
