i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
