I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
