i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
