So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
