dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize