Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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