i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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