Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
