like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
