im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Watching her eat just hurts me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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