My friends, they love my intelligence
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
